I DID IT!!!

I just gave my 30 notice to my landlord!!!! It's T-minus 8 months and counting for me to relocate to North Carolina!!! I am so excited.

Gone too soon ~ Alaina Reed-Hall and Brittney Murphy

I was very sad to hear about the passing of Brittney Murphy at the very young age of 32.

Such a talented actress, whose light was snuffed out before her time. Clueless is one of my favorite movies, she was in and I thought that she was too cute.

The news of her passing only confirmed once again that life is too short and you have to live it to the fullest.

Knowing that most deaths happen in 3s, as I was googling about Brittney's death, I received a tweet that Alaina Reed-Hall from 227 fame also passed. I remember her from Seseme Street as well. 2009 has been so full of deaths, and I pray that 2010 isn't the same.

Asthma and Immunization

For the past 1.5 mos, I have been sick. Symptoms of coughing, sneezing, congestion, horrible headache and ended up with bronchitis......that was was a month ago. I found out today that I have "Cough Variant Asthma". Here is a description of CVA: http://asthma.about.com/od/adultasthma/a/art_CAV.htm


So now, I am on 2 inhalers to help me breathe. Then I out that I was due for a TDAP immunization shot. (Can I say that I HATE needles??) My arm is showing signs of soreness already....

At any rate, hopefully I will be back on the mend for good in the next couple of weeks.

Soon to be my new BF: Apple MacBook Pro

While visiting some cousins in Houston, TX, I noticed that they both had the Apple Mac computers. I needed to get in my yahoo email and I was in playground heaven!!!

I became very impressed with this and knowing that I was going to get a laptop, I decided to look into Apple laptops. I had became a little discouraged because of the pricing, but I decided to go ahead and treat myself, as this is an investment and something I will get my monies worth. Last week, I found that we get a discount thorough my job on any computers or laptops. Whether PC or Mac. That made the pricing for me much more affordable and I am very excited that I am getting this laptop!!! I have read the reviews and it looks to be very promising!!!

Surviving in a Back Stabbing Enviroment

Hurrah!!!.....I have found another environment that is toxic with mills of whispers and rumors! And now, I have gotten caught in a tangle web of little white lies and a untruth.

I was surprised and a bit confused to find out on Friday, that two of people have went to my boss with statements saying that I am continuely walking around talking to people in a particular department. Because I was completely caught off guard, I sat and listened and took everything in.

I have been at my job for the last 2 yrs and I have visited the same people in this department every day the same time. Chit chatting among co-workers, right? Well, I guess that it was said that it's a distrubitive situation and employees in this department aren't getting their work done!

I have to admit, I got caught slipping. I have gotten a little too relaxed in my new situation and now I see a couple of people out to at fuel to this growing fabrication! It was mentioned to me in confidence and I was thankful for it. But, now I am in a position where I trust NO ONE!

I can't help myself, but I am now looking at everyone as "that person who complained"!!! The saying "CYOA" (cover your own Ass) definitely has given me new meaning!

The sad reality is that I can't trust anyone here (save a couple people) and using those people as a sounding board for the stress levels that continue to raise here has been my outlet. Now that this has been brought to my attention, I am back on my "Ps" and my "Qs"....

Keep hurdling those obstacles

Monday morning....**blah** definitely had the Monday morning blues.....but I had one bright spot on my horizon....today I was finalizing my financial aid with Strayer!!! But, of course......here come a obstacle to slow the process!

This picture depicts exactly what I am going to accomplish......HURDLING that obstacle and overcoming it......it may delay the moment, but it will not the duration. I will find another away to achieve my goal and when I do, I can look back and smile and feel proud that I didn't give up.

I am doing it....I am going back to school!!

After a 9 year LONG procastination, I finally decided to go back to school and get my degree!!! I selected the University I wanted to go through to get my BA and it's Strayer University. I was really picky about what school I wanted to attend. There were 4 schools I was looking at for online classes:

Strayer University
Western Governor's University
Walden University
University of Phoenix

UoP was my first choice, but I wanted to hunt around to see what else was out there.......Walden was eliminated right away because of the online advisor I was dealing with. I am a questions person.....I can ask ALOT of questions, and that's just to make sure I understand fully want is being said. I felt like I was being rushed off the phone, she wasn't really interested in answering my questiosn and I didn't like that. So, I moved on to next one......WG, I thought, would be a great fit, but after reviewing the information sent to me, it wasn't. So, that left Strayer....I was still waiting on UoP, but I didn't hear anything.

Well Saturday, the Strayer advisor call me......and we hit it RIGHT off.....we were on the phone for about 1.5 hrs talking about my goals, my fears, my everything.......he let ask ALL the questions, promptly answered and if he didn't know the answer, he looked it up and sent the info to me. That sold me RIGHT there.....seriously. He was attentive and that's what I wanted and needed. Even after I got off the phone with him, I still was thinking "wait to hear from UofP, but something was telling me to go ahead with Strayer.

So, Monday, I called Jason and said "Let's do this..."..... right now, I am 3/4 of the way through my admission proces and it's been a little grueling!!! Just in the sense of time....it's very consuming. And waiting for my PIN to register...... Yea, that's was interesting, but it's registered and I am basically in.

I am set to start Winter Term as of Jan 11th and from there I am a student and future graduate of Strayer University!!! Whooo-hooooo!!!

Fear Factor

Fear is the stumbling block that leave alot of people paralyzed to advance in life, work and relationships. I had a conversation with one my aunts the other night about my move to North Carolina next year. And in her voice, I heard totally amazement that I would "quit" a job...well in her eyes, a good paying job, move to a whole other state with no family around and basically start ALL OVER. I do have family there, but I could tell she was just not believing that I would move so far away from family.

But the other thing I heard was the "fear" her voice. In her eyes, I was doing something so drastic and it doesn't make sense. I have a good job, near family and that should be enough. Well, it's not. My quality of life has suffered here in Seattle. With the combination of the weather, dating scene and high cost of living, I have unhappy and READY to leave for a long while. A year ago, I did "chicken" out, persay because of the economy tanking. I felt it wasn't the time for me to jump and go somewhere when the economy wasn't good. Even though in my gut, I wanted to go....badly, I still had to be smart about it.

Now is the time, but I find it so funny that people, certain family members in particular, won't think "outside of the box". They seem to think that Seattle is the measuring stick for every other place........Seattle, too me, is in the FAR REACHES and corner of the US!!! There is more to life than this little place on earth called Seattle.

HIGHWAY Robbery

The price of airline tickets are HORRIBLE and expensive!!!!!!! Even 30 days from flying out on my much needed vacation, I am looking at $350 or more for 3 people!!! How the hell can airlines get away with this and NOT to mention that they charge for baggage now.

I am at my computer, sweating bullets, with 3 screens up trying to get the right price. Last night as I complained to my father, he says in a matter of fact voice "Why didn't you get them eariler?" If I had a snowball, I would have thrown it through the phone at him. I didn't get them earlier because:

• Paying off my cruise (2 people on that bill)


• I still have rent and other core bills to pay


• I had to get passports for 3 people


• and I am the only income in the house

This also leads me into ~ when am I going to be able to drop or lose the "Struggling Single Mom" title? Part of my frustration is that I am still supporting my 21 yr old son. And I am to blame because I did not inforce him to "pay" when he was working. Now that he isn't, it's all on me. But that's another grumble. The dilemma at hand is the high cost of flying right now!!!!

Less than Professional

Ugh!!!! My whole day yesterday was just out of control. As the day progressed, the more irritated I became. I feel I work in any invironment that is "Less than for professional"...especially among my peers. There are executive assistsants here definitely not qualified for their job, doing the minimum and getting paid top dollar. I have worked in both private and public sector and I find private much, much more to my liking. There is structure, processes and procedures to abide by.

It's the same "status quo" feeling here, even though it's been said that "Process Improvement" is in place. I hear the talk, but definitely do not see the walk. Maybe I am setting my standards as an executive level admin to high for others on my level. What happened to professionalism in this workplace? I am very disappointed with the way things are going.

I know that this can be happening anyplace, but I have NEVER seen on this level any all my years of working. It's very frustrating to try to be effective and no one else will meet you halfway. You get blank looks, half the information your have requested or just thrown out there to figure it out yourself.

RIP ~ Patrick Swayze - 1952-2009

Monday, September 14, Patrick Swayze lost his battle with cancer. I was truly sadden and heartbroken about his death. All the sudden, I wanted to see every movie I liked him in...... as Darry in the Outsiders..... as Truman Gates in Next of Kin..... as Sam Wheat in Ghost......as Dalton in Roadhouse......dress in drag queen Vida in To Wong Foo, thanks for everything, Julie Newmar...his role in Red Dawn......the TV series North and South.....as the crook surfer in Point Break and my favorite.....Johnny Castle in DIRTY DANCING!!!!!

I play to have a Patrick Swayze weekend and watch them all...or maybe two weekends......REST IN PEACE....Patrick....take all the love inside we have for you... with you....

Celebrity Deaths

In the last few weeks, we have been hit with the deaths of Farrah Fawett, Michael Jackson, Walter Concrite and now, E. Lynn Harris.......the circle of life is never ending. We are born and we die.....Life fills a void and death leaves a void.....

Today's State of Mind

**sigh** The past few days have been so stressful for me. I even broke out in hives for the first time in my life. I had to take a moment last night and reflect on some things. Knowing that my relocation is on the horizon, I am not finding solstice in things right now.

My job is stressful.......and I am thankful that I have one, but I am feeling stagnant here and it's not a good thing for me. I like evolving professionally and watch the success of my organization.....but I am in an organization that has been really LOST for some years. Now that we have a new kind of Senior leadership,, who is prompting change and a different way of handling things, I have sat back and watched long timers cause so much grief and resistance.

There is SO much negagivity rolling around here, I have to literally talk tell myself each morning, before I get out my truck, "Draw your shoulders back, walk in and do you job".....but that is the thing, I can't do my job, because I am dealing with two control freak bosses and it's so frustrating to the 25th power for me!!!

So, I asked myself.."Teresa, what are you going to do? Whine about it? Vent all the time about it? And the only answer I can up with is "Deal with it for a few more months......I know that I will need to stay in place. I am just wondering on different things I need to do to endure the rest of my time here......**sigh** So, I am where I am and I have to just wander down this bumpy road until I can forge another path for my future........

The bottom line for me is that I am restless and ready to move on from Seattle. I am just not feeling it here anymore.......of course I have to wait and patience is NOT my best trait. I don't want to be come impulsive and just jump up. I have to tie up loose ends here.....

I have to stay positive, stay focused and keep it moving....my time here is a very short one.

Sickness in the work place VENT!!

Why is that some people who get sick INSIST on coming to work? I have a co-worker, who came down with the FLU, still trying to be some martyr and come to work!!! This had quite a few of us very upset. Especially when we have this Swine Flu pandemic going on.....

But knowing this particular co-worker....she did it for ATTENTION!!! It's ridiculous that someone her age is still so needy...Ugh!!!

Daily Quote ~ So right on time for my life RIGHT NOW!!

It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.

~Alan Cohen

22 Things a Sista should Never Apologize for

1. Never apologize for pursuing what makes you happy. Even if you need to quit your job, transfer schools, or move across country, always do what you really want.
2. Never apologize for using proper English. Keeping it real doesn't mean you have to speak Ebonics.
3. Never apologize for giving your best in a relationship that just didn't work out.
4. Never apologize for cryin. Wear waterproof mascara and express yourself.
5. Never apologize for being sucessful. Only haters want to keep you at their level.
6. Never apologize for the ten pounds you need to lose. People who truly care about you will accept you as you are.
7. Never apologize for yearing a weave or braids. You bought it so its yours.
8. Never apolgize for being frugal. Just because you save your money instead of blowing it on the latest fashion emergency doesn't mean you're cheap.
9. Never aplogize for treating yourself to something special. Sometimes you have to show yourself some appreciation.
10. Never apologize for demanding respect. You are to always be treated as a Queen!
11. Never apologize for leaving an abusive relationship. Your safety should always be a priority.
12. Never apologize for keeping the ring even if you did not get married.
13. Never apologize for setting high standards in a relationship. You know what you can tolerate and what simply gets on your nerves.
14. Never apologize for dating outside your race. Just because you found Mr. Right acros the color line, doesn't mean you don't love your brothas.
15. Never apologize to your new friends about old friends. There's a reason she's been your girl from day one.
16. Never apologize for ordering dessert or more than one dessert.
17. Don't apologize for being a single Mom. Babies are a blessing.
18. Never apologize for saying NO!
19. Never apologize for not knowing how to cook. Even if you can't burn like Grandma, you know how to order good take out. (Right, Girl!)
20. Never apologize for making more money than your man, you work hard and you deserve to get paid.
21. Never apologize for being you! KEEP YOUR HEAD UP AND KEEP MOVING FORWARD. ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT GOD LOVES YOU AND HE ALWAYS HAS YOUR BACK.

My Grandfather is turning 92 yrs young on Thursday!!

This Thursday, my grandfather is turning 92 yrs young!!!! I love this man with all my heart!!! It's very important to me that I would be at his side, as he makes this turn in his age, so I am showing up in secret to surprise him..The last year and half has been difficult for him, because my grandmother passed 1.5 ago and they were married for 67 yrs!!!!! 67 yrs!!!! That is more than half his life.

He has had his challenges with dealing with her death, and to add to all this....he is suffering from Alzheimer's.....when he has his bad days, they are bad, but when he is in good spirits, the world is good.

But God had grant this wonderful man to have lived a very long and beautiful life. I am so glad that I am here to share it with him.....I love you Papa and HAPPY 92nd Birthday.......your loving Granddaugther.....oxoxox

I've met someone ~ Could he be the one?

I recently met someone and I am just overwhelmed by how quickly we have connected. We met via the internet and truth be told, I haven't had the best of luck with internet dating. I have found that alot men and women use it as a form of entertainment. So, I learn not to put alot of weight into men that contacted me from some dating website.

But, this time is different. First, I was very straight forward in what I was expecting, looking for, will NOT do and that I didn't want to his time or mine. I wasn't into any games and I was a woman of substance. Once I got that off my chest, he was like "Okay, cool.......nice to meet you".

I really wasn't expecting that, but from that point on, it's been unbelievable. We are so much alike, we think alike, have the similar personality.....etc. We laugh and we can talk for hours....(which I haven't done since high school) Talking to him has been so refreshing, since intelligent conversation is a stimulant for me.

He is what I call a "FULL GROWN MAN"....(laugh) Not like some of the men I have encountered....He doesn't have patience for non-sense and doesn't mind taking chances....(which I think to get anywhere in this life, we must do....) I have to admit when I first seen him profile, I immediately pegged him as a "playa"...which he teases me about all the time. Because his personality is so far from that......I gues the phase "Don't judge a book by it's cover, comes very much in play...."....

I found myself thinking about him alot, crossing my mind on random thoughts....what is he doing? Is he having a good day? What did he eat for breakfast, lunch? I wonder what time he will call me today?...etc.....And when I see that picture and number flash on my phone, it's the warmest feeling that floods through me......Honestly, I have forgotten what it feels like to have a man on the same page as you and just as eager to want to talk to me.

I found it so refreshing......he is my last thought when I go to bed and my first thought when I wake up.....what a good way to start my day!

So, as things are getting more and more familiar, I found myself thinking 'OMG, could he be the one?" I found myself thinking about a serious relationship with him already and then panicing because I keep putting a time limit on things. And right now, we are living in different times. We don't have to do that.

Sometimes you just have to go with the flow and see where things just fall.....and even if they don't fall right, that doesn't mean it's a bad thing. I have decided to take the stance of just believing in me and him and see where this will go.

I have gotten a couple of "negative" what-ifs......and I am not going down that road, until HE gives me a reason to thing otherwise. Right now, he is doing and saying the right things.......(wrapping my arms around me and squeezing) lol

I really think that this could be something wonderful........

What type of Wife are you or will be?

You are a loving woman. Your value is far above rubies (Proverbs 31). You are always there for those you love and you are extremely loving to your husband. You build him up, you allow him to make mistakes, and grow, and more importantly you let him be a man. You will experience long-lasting love.

What Type of Man am I dealing with?

IF YOU GOT PASSIONATE BOYFRIEND THEN HE LIKES TO SUPRISE YOU WITH ROMANCE AND MANY OTHER THINGS! HE IS DEEPLY IN LOVE WITH YOU AND IS MOST LIKELY A KEEPER! YOU WILL BE SUPRISED ON WHAT YOUR LOVE WILL DO WHEN YOU HAVE A PASSIONATE MAN LIKE THAT!

How very interesting......(smile)

Words of Inspiration: Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others, cannot keep it from themselves ~ James Matthew Barrie

I love this quote.....this is is a perfect example of how I am living my life. To illuminate positive emotions and vibes to others, will equally shine in my own life......

Another quote that I find solace in is:

"When life's problems seem overwhelming, look around and see what other people are coping with. You may consider yourself fortunate." - Ann Landers

It's so easy to fall into the depressed and bleak time we are living in......sometimes I have looked around thinking, "Man, I don't have this yet or I should have gotten that or my daughter doesn't have...this bill is overdue, I don't have the money for that......yada, yada, yada....

But, I am very humble to realize that I am doing ALRIGHT!!! There are SO many people that have it much worse than I. It's too easy to slip into what I call, the "I" syndrome......this quote by Ann Landers puts things in perspective and keeps my mind grounded.

Relief is on the way!

After consulting with my OB GYN, we both decided that the Endromentrial Abalation procedure would be perfect for me. There are 3 different process for this procedure and the one I'm doing is the Novasure process!

She scheduled me for the procedure on Friday, April 24th. Its just day surgery and the whole procedure will last an hour or so.  The prospect of having NO MORE PAIN OR HEAVY BLEEDING is so overwhelming.  I have lived with abnormal period most of my teenage life and after I had my daughter! To not have worry or have anixety about my periods each month will be wonderful!

This condition has dominated my life for so long and it was becoming disabiliting. No life for 3 to 4 days!  This procedure will give my life back!

Act like a Woman, Think like a Man by Steve Harvey

I just received this book PDF (THANK GOD) and I am eagar to sit down and read this. I want to quench my curosity about his thoughts on Men, Women and relationships. Though, a part of me is a little apprehensive because I might see some of the things that lead to my failed relationships.

Not that Steve Havey's opinion is GOSPEL, but I think he bring a "slap in your face reality" on how men truly think. I think we women, want men to be the way WE want them and not be open enough to take them as they are.

But I also believe, there's a "Woman's side" of a relationship that men need to adhere to.....as much as we need to have an understanding how men think, men need to have an understand how women think as well.

So, with that said, I am sure this will be a interesting read.

It's Good Friday!

I am thankful for Jesus, giving his life, so that we can have a "life".....I don't know what the world would be like. Though I am not "actively" in church, I do pray all the time and thank God for the MANY blessings I have in my life.

Today is a day of reflection and knowing the TRUE meaning of what Jesus has done for us. Without his sacifice, we would be NOTHING!! He died, so that our sins can be forgiven over and over and over. Lord, knows I am work in progress.

His love is truly unconditional and never ending. There is no love like the love of GOD!

Open Toe Shoe Pledge

Okay....IT's that time of the year ladies......time to take the "OPEN TOE SHOE PLEDGE".......so stop what you are doing right now, raise your big RIGHT toe and say with me:

As a member of the Cute Girl Sisterhood, I pledge to follow the Rules when wearing sandals and other open-toe shoes:

I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.

I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free.

I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe. I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow. I will shave the hairs off my big toe.

I won't wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker, mother, sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there. If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back into place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it.

I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholl's if my feet need him.

I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids' sizes. This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat and I would hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle.

I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages.

I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/coworker when she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her that her toes are as long as my fingers and no sandal makes creepy feet look good.

I will promise if I wear flip flops that I will ensure that they actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I will swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them.

I will promise to go to my local nail salon at least once per season and have a real pedicure (they are about $15 or 20 and worth EVERY penny).

I will promise to throw away any white/off-white sandals that show signs of wear... nothing is tackier than dirty white sandals.

Any violators will be prosecuted to the FULL extend of the law!!

We must adhere to this pledge or our cute, divalicious sistas heels to look like this: (see picture above).

It's official ~ I am going to have a nervous breakdown!

I can't believe that I spent the last TWO days diligently entering information into a spreadsheets, only to realize half way through, I have been entering the WRONG information!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All I could do, was pinch the bridge of my nose, count to 1000 and sigh!!! What I really wanted to do, was lay my head down my desk and WAIL at the top of my lungs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't believe this happened!!

As much as I wish I could have the much needed breakdown I deserve, there is work has to be done.........

Spring Cleaning Time!

It's that time of the year.....SPRING CLEANING!! Spring is the time to give yourself and your life an overhaul. Simply by clearin out the old, you make space for the new to come into your life. I found an article that captures the very essence of that and below our some tips that will help me with this process. With this tips, I am ready to embrace some fabulous, new and exciting things and experiences:

1. Physically: Throw out any clothes that you haven't worn or anything that you haven't used in the last six months. Be ruthless, if you don't love it - DUMP IT!! That could be old books, photos, clothes, or general stuff that gathering dust. Also, keep in mind that clutter in your attic doesn't mean that it's not your energy field; it means tha tit's in yoru higher consciousnes. So clear your attic out too.


2. Mentally: Set an affirmation for what you would like more of your life. For more wealth, "I now attract abundance into all areas of my life". Or for more self-steem, "When I believe in myself, so do others". Whatever it is that resonates with you, write it out now. Then have it as your mantra every day for 27 days. have it somewhere that you will see it regularly, so that you are automatically reminded of it. Soon it will become a reality as you "positively brainwash" yourself.


3. Emotionally: Clear out your emotions. Any situations, person or event that you are ready to let go of - write about it, let all the feelings come up and out and then, when you've said all you need to say, burn it. By writing, we are acknowledging our own emotions, and by burning, we are letting go. We lay the seeds of our lives in spring. It is a good time to write down what it is that you want in your life. Is ti a more challenging job? A pay rise? An improved social life or love life? Allow yourself to dream big.


4. Spiritually: What do you believe in? Spiritually is not always religious. It is important for us humans to believe in something, whether that is God, Budda, Allah or just "something out there." Believing in something special allows the magic back into our hearts.

Now....it's time to clean!!!

Being comfortable with change

I am just amazed of how many people are not comfortable with change. Change comes in every shape and form you can think of. It's apart of everday life. If things were always the same, HOW boring would life be??? There would be nothing new to learn or try......BORRR-RING!!

And on another note, if you don't know anything or understand something.....IT'S OK TO SAY SO!!!!!! No one is perfect or need to have "the know all" syndrome!!!

GRUMPY & PMSing Blues

This is definitely a Dark Chocolate day!!! Even as I am typing this, I am looking up on my wall and glancing at a poem, that brings me resurrance about "myself".

I need a serious lift. Nothing but gray and rain and it's not helping my mood. So, when I do read this, I start to feel better:

Phenomenal Woman

by Maya Angelou

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.

I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size

But when I start to tell them,

They think I'm telling lies.

I say,It's in the reach of my arms

The span of my hips,

The stride of my step,

The curl of my lips.

I'm a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,That's me.

I walk into a room

Just as cool as you please,

And to a man,

The fellows stand or

Fall down on their knees.

Then they swarm around me,

A hive of honey bees.

I say,

It's the fire in my eyes,

And the flash of my teeth,

The swing in my waist,

And the joy in my feet.

I'm a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That's me.

Men themselves have wondered

What they see in me.

They try so much

But they can't touch

My inner mystery.

When I try to show them

They say they still can't see.

I say,

It's in the arch of my back,

The sun of my smile,

The ride of my breasts,

The grace of my style.

I'm a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That's me.

Now you understand

Just why my head's not bowed.

I don't shout or jump about

Or have to talk real loud.

When you see me passing

It ought to make you proud.

I say,

It's in the click of my heels,

The bend of my hair,

the palm of my hand,

The need of my care,

'Cause I'm a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That's me.

Celeb Styling: J-Hudson

Here are some Jennifer Hudson styles that I really like and have inspiration for my cruise formal wear and just a night on the town:






















This one is similar to a dress I am looking at from Nordstrom's.

























I absolutely LOVE how sexy and fem this dress is!!


























Very classy and glam looking.

Seasonal Depression

It's hitting again.....the dreaded "Seasonal Depression" syndrome! This time of the year, it's nothing but rain, overcast, cloudy, gray......JUST DREARY!!!

Thank goodness of the time change. I am not getting up in the dark anymore and it's been sunny and beautiful vivd blue skies for at least 2 days straight! It's still cold, but I am so happy to see the sun!!

I found some interesting information regarding "Vitamin D" deprivation. Research is finding that most African-American people living in areas where there isn't alot of sun, suffer "Seasonal Depression" more than others. Because of our darker skin, that acts as a natural "sun" blocker and in areas with little sun, it leave us without the vitamin D we need.

I want to follow up more on this, as I find it interesting that most afro-americans may lack Vitamin D.

A end to a very LONG week!! TGIF!!

I am SO glad this week has ended. I was finally able to finish my project right on deadline!!! Even though a few errors were caught after print, they weren't significant enough to cause a real uproar. If it had to do with numbers or verbiage content, then there would be something to worry about.

I am so exhausted for coming in early and leaving late. I need an official "Mental Health" day off!!! I won't be able to really get any rest this weekend, as I have to go out of town for the day, then a birthday party Saturday night and THEN maybe some rest on Sunday!!! (WHEW....)

Major Quality of Life changing decision ~ Endometrial Abaltion

It's time. I need to make a serious decision about my heavy cycles. I have had another bad episode this month and I need relief. I want the heavy bleeding to go away, the pain, the fatigue, and the bad headaches from so much blood lost. I have been struggling with making a "permanent" solution decision, as I know it will cancel out my chances of ever having a child again. Though I am almost positive that I won't have anymore kids, I think I have held out on the possibility to have one with my future husband. It's one of the things I have always desired, because I had two kids by myself.

But, my quality of life is most important to me. I have struggled with the idea of a hysteretomy because it just seemed so final. I have recommended for birth control, the Merina IUD..etc. And none of these procedures will give me the relief that I need. I really don't have any other option, other than thinking about something on a more permanent basis.

A girlfriend of mine told me about Endometrial Abaltion procedure that might be my solution. This procedure will cauterize my uterus, scarring it and making it impossible to have a "cycle." I will still have my uterus, but I will not be able to have anymore children. I mean, I have to be realistic. I have two children, I am 40, not dating seriously and definitely do not have any marriage prospects on the horizon....so what is my heistation????.....I just think plain FEAR!!!

I have a message into my doctor to consult about this procedure. It's time for a solution.

Computer Keyboard OVERLOAD!!!!

I have been typing ALL daying on this document and I am trying to understand........Why I am still here???? I can't see the computer screen anymore, everything is blending in and my fingers hurts, but yet and still, I am here at work on overload, trying to continue typing!! And I delusional, mad with fatigue? I am WILLING myself to leave the office and take my tired BUTT home!!! Pepperoni pizza, here I come!

The Stress is on......

I am taking a break and trying to relax from this Guide book that will need to be printed, published and published on our website. This guide will be deliver to all our schools in the district. Last year was a FIASCO!!!! We had wrong information, poor grammar, typos...etc. MIND you, we proof everything......Well, long story short.....our department didn't look too good behind that. My boss was embarrassed as well as the whole department. I took it harder than anyone else...mainly because I had to assemble information for various sources and NOTHING was correct. I had been with the department only a few weeks and I felt it gave them an impression that I was not as good as I know I am.

The person I was helping out was/and is an immature, control, attention getter freak......she would bitch and moan about having too much work, but if something was to be removed from her desk, she would make an excuse up why she needed to keep it. She didn't give me alot information needed to do the book correctly. Well, that was last year and this is a NEW YEAR!!!

I am working longer hours, keeping edits in a structure format and really pulling things in. Last year was so stressful, but this year is even more because we are setting a high standard to have this publication FLAWLESS!!!!!!

Errors and mistakes are not an OPTION!!! It must be perfect......it will be PERFECT, MISTER!!! LOL...okay....I am down back to earth in the real world. I realize that there will be human error, but it want all to be very minor. I just had a co-work test me about some changes on one of the documents. We do need people who are good proofers, grammarically correct, but have a OPEN mind that we do not need to be condenscending!!!! My department has that so bad!! Okay....WOOOOO-SAAAAA!!!!

Alright, it's back to the grind!

My Bucket List

I watch the movie "Bucket List" a few months ago, and really like the concept of the movie. More than naught, we always say that we want to do this or that, want this or that and do not follow through for one reason or another.



So, I am creating MY bucket list checklist of things I would like to do, while I am still able to and I will come and check off each thing I have done. (I am going to periodically update with new things that come to mind)



Bucket List Checklist

( ) Been to Europe (Italy, Spain, Greece)

( X ) Been on a cruise

( ) Been to Canada

( ) Been to Mexico

( ) Been to Florida

( ) Been to Vegas

( ) Swam in the ocean

( ) Watch a sunset and sunrise with someone you love

( ) Get a kiss under a mistletoe

( ) Dance in the Rain

( ) Been to Hawaii

( ) See Cherry Blossoms in Washington, DC

( ) Been to Eygpt

( ) Pay It Forward to someone

My New Toy ~ G1 by TMobile

• I am one week and two days from getting my G1 phone from T-Mobile. I am so excited and literally looking at my Blackberry Pearl like it's so OLD!! Lol.....knowing good and well it's not. I have always had a thing for the newest Technology coming out. The 3 best features of the G1 is:

* The touch screen feature
* 3G Network
* Wi-fi feature (a MUST need feature because my parents live WAY out)

I originally wanted the Bronze phone.....but I think I am going to end up with the white one. It's has kind of a pearly contrast...something that I like alot. I just hope it doesn't get dingy and dirty looking like most "off white" things do.

I am also hoping to get another Bluetooth and a Doone Burke carrier for my phone also. Whoooo-Hooo!!

Huggable Hangers by Joy Mangano ~ MUST BUY

My newest investment is huggable hangers by Joy Mangano!! My girlfriend called told me that she was coming over and going to bring some of these hangers over. I said alright, althrough, I don't get all excited over "hangers". My closet space diminished greatly when I moved from my apartment into my house I am renting. So, my clothes are stuffed into my closet with no room to spare.

I really didn't think these hangers were going to make a different, but I was SO wrong. When my girlfriend got there, she pulled out a huge section of my closet and started taking off my old hangers and putting them on the huggable ones. Once she got everything hung on the hangers, she put them back in the closet. I immediately noticed how my clothes laid better and I had some "room"......I was really amazed at the difference. The next day, we met up and she brought what she had left and I couldn't wait to get home to hang some more of my clothes.

Huggable hangers gets 2 thumbs up and a circle!!

Blogging Addiction

Okay, it's offical, I am addicted to "blogging".....it's just wonderful way for me to let go and free my mind. At times, my mind can go a hundred different ways and I able to create journal, specific to this "things"....lol.....I have to be careful thought, because I might end up with blog overload.


Today has been pretty quiet at work. My boss is out sick, but our department is still moving like ants getting ready for a long winter.


There is still a bit of a stormy layoff cloud looming on the horizon. Most people feel that the financial service department will be "Re-orged". Thus, created another wave of "fear"......but honestly, for the most part, everyone is pretty mellow right now.


But, next week is a different story!!!

MY beauty is also SKIN deep....not just on the surface!!

Okay, I just need to get this off my chest.....going natural was one of the most freeing moments of my life. I don't know if anyone can understand that, but it was a release that I could feel in my soul. Maybe it had to do with the "I have always" had long hair snydrome or free from the fact that the men in our family related "true beauty" with long hair. If you didn't have long hair, you weren't as pretty.

When I went natural, my grandfather was so hurt, as well as my father. No matter how much I SAID I liked it, he just would shake his head and say "Well, I don't!!" After that, every time I have seen my grandfather, (I do love him to pieces) he would make a comment or something about my hair. "When are you going to do something to your head?" "When are you going to make yourself pretty for me again"....I remember looking at him and saying "Papa, I am still pretty"....And he looked me dead in my face and said "No, you aren't as pretty! You lost your beauty when you cut your hair off.

I am not going to pretend that it didn't sting to hear him say that. I just looked at him and said "Well, Papa...I am sorry you feel that way, but I love my hair like this and it will be a long time or if ever before I process my hair again. Naturally my grandmother would come to my defense, but he negative and hurtful words just kept ringing and ringing in my head. I thought "Wow, is he that closed minded that he can't see my inner beauty as well as my outer....because I don't have hair cascading down my back.....I am less beautiful to him?" I mean....this is my grandfather.......besides my father and my son.....the only other male that means everything to me.

Maybe it shouldn't bother me......but it does. I think so much emphasis is put on outer beauty, some people forget that inner beauty can OUT SHINE outer beauty in a heart beat!!! Now, I am not saying that I want to be a walking mud duck, but I try to take of both my inner and outer beauty together...not one above the other......

That's today's "State of Mind" for me.......

It Ain't Ova!!! Another round of layoffs coming....

Just when we thought is was safe to go back into the water, an all Finance meeting was called on Tuesday by the CFOO. The objective of this meeting was to give an "update" as to what would be happening with the financial service division. The CFOO gave a brief and un-informative speech. As I sat in this meeting and glanced around the room, there were grim, confused and angry looks on people faces.

Most people felt that it was a waste of their time to go to this meeting because they didn't know anymore than what they knew when they went in. Several employees expressed their anger and frustration loudly. Not that I blame them, but I am not going to show frustrations here at work. The CFOO is encouraging people to use the EAP program, which is a wonderful tool, but that is not going to help people to understand what is really going on.

From what I can tell, there will be a reorg based on what the STATE will give us for our budget and that will not happen until March. The outlook is looking grim and the budget department could be really cut down to a skeleton crew.

All I can do is hope and pray for the best!

Epitome of "Family Togetherness"

This weekend, my family was the epitome of what "Family Togetherness" represents........Support, encouragement, prayer, unconditional love, tears of joy, tears of sorrow, happiness, laughter, hugs, caresses, kisses on the cheek, grandparents, parents, uncles, aunts, cousins, second cousins, sisters, brothers, babies and little kids laughter filled this whole weekend.

The phrase, "The family that prays together, crys together" has a whole new meaning for me. My cousin's death, brought us together in a way, I haven't seen in a long time. Not since I was a kid...I mean, we always have get togethers and fun, but usually someone is leaving early or not showing up at all. But this weekend, the old "Family get together" feeling was there. It was 1:00am before anyone thought of leaving, board games were going, conversations in two different living rooms were happening, babies being passed around from family member to family member.....you could just stand back and watch my family love for each other flow throughout the house.

I hold my grandparents responsible for this. They laid the foundation down for us to understand what it is to be a "family" through ALL times....good or bad.

There is NOTHING like a family that love one another.....

A senseless loss of a wondeful life ~ My letter to Wes

My handsome cousin Wesley,

I know that you have left us for something better....but how do we get past the empty hole that is left here our hearts? A place that you occuppied? I have been trying to understand "why"? Why were you taken from us when you were doing so good. I visited you on your website and I noticed that your hair grew out......I remember you use to wear your hair like that when you were a kid. This picture of you praying and crying out....it's touchs my heart and soul. Because I could really see how GOD had touch your life and deepened your spirtual life.

It's not fair that you were taken from us so early. SO unfair. I will never get to see that winning smile of yours again......you know the one, that lit up your face, that could have the ladies swooning at you......the one that made all of us hug you a little tighter when we seen you. I dreamt about you last night......you were just running on a football field....with a football in your hand....we were standing on the sidelines cheer and yelling, the way us Rainwater's do.....as you ran past us, you stopped, looked at us, flashed that smile and continued running to the to the end zone. This end zone was lit up and shining.........as we watched, you were running fast and fast, then you were in the air...floating towards the end zone.....and we could here you say "Family, don't cry and don't hurt....I'm alright...I am free"



I remember waking up and my face was wet. Was that your way of tell me/that you are okay? I laid there in the dark....thinking about every memory I could of you. Your time was soo short with us, but you made such a impact on our lives......

What are you going to do without you here? I promised myself that I would be happy about the change in your life and I am, but I wish we could have shared in it together as the family we are....not after you are gone forever from us. Please check in on Chris for time to time....he is feeling so lost without you. Give him peace of mind and let him know that "Dude, it's cool"...and hug him.

I love you, Wesley and I will miss you so much.

Disappointed with Seattlelites

Last night, the Board vote on school closures and I have to say how very disappointed I with some of the Seattle Community. They were very disrespectful to the Board and the Superintendent. I am all for "Freedom of speech"....but how they were treated them was very unfair and tasteless. If this community, as a whole, is trying to show "our kids" how to speak up for themselves, they failed MISERABLY last night.

This was a "public" hearing and the Board wasn't able to conduct the meeting as they needed. There were many outburts, chants, and some acted like immature teenagers throwing tantrums!!

How embarrassing is it that you have shown our kids this is the way to express yourself ...Shame on you for not "representing" Seattle in a much better and respectful way.

January 29, 2009 ~ Vote Day aka V-Day

It's 4:05pm and the tension has spiked so high, it's unbearable. At 6:00pm the Board will start proceeding to vote on school closures. Rally and protests are schedule to have by 4:30pm. Camara crews from different TV stations are lineup to have the first "breaking news" on the rallys and protesters.

I personally will be glad when the vote goes through. It's been a talked event since October and my head can't take much more "Which school, which program, whose failing, what's the testing scores....." I am NUMBERED and DATA OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am getting off now and making a low run to my truck to get the hell out of here!!!

A message to Single Fabulous Ladies

As T.D. Jakes said :

"Just because no one has been fortunate enough to realize what a Gold mine you are, doesn't mean you SHINE any less."

"Never allow someone to be your Priority,

While allowing yourself to be their Option"

The Lay-off Reality - Change in the workplace

Waking up this morning, I laid in bed, rubbing my eyes and forcing myself to get up for work. I repeat to myself the same thing that I have said to myself every morning...."I am thankful that I have a job to go to!" Driving in, I say this to myself a hundred times and think about positive things......thinks that will put me in a good mood. It didn't matter that it was snowing, temp was 32 degrees and bleak looking, I still looked at the day with some enthusaism......

But walking into the building, those good feelings were suck out of me like a vacuum....it's like a morgue around here. Co-workers are looking and greeting at each other with whispers of, "Who do you think is going to get laid off? or "Do you think it will be you?", instead of saying "Good morning, how is your morning?" or "Let's go for coffee"......

People rushing around like ants, working harder and more diligently than I had ever seen before. Is this a illusion to appear that "I am needed?", to appear to have too much work, and your so busy, so you won't be on the chopping block. No one is asking for help with their workload. It may appear that you can't do your job. People are working late and coming in on the weekends now, when 6 months ago, you couldn't say "Please stay late or come in this weekend", without getting a dirty look or a grumble.

The relaxed atomsphere here has been replaced with stress and tension, so thick, that you can cut it with a knife. Jan 30 is the vote on what schools will be closed and by Feb 4th, all central departments managers will inform those employees to be laid off, they are without a job.

This morning, while walking to the cafeteria, I started thinking about the a Seattletimes newspaper headline from last week....."UNEMPLOYMENT JUMPS" in big, black bold letters ran across the top of the page. Just those two words sends "fear" through at the building. People that always have a smile on their faces, are now walking around with frown lines and using "grunts" for "hellos"......Filling up my coffee cup, I realize that it's a dog eat dog time and even someone that you are cool with may end up with your job.

Opening and Shutting Doors of my life

When I think of decisions in my life, I think of them as "doors".... Doors that can lead me down certain paths that map out my life, the way I handle situations and how I learn from different experiences. In my mind, I am standing looking down at my future, and there are lines and lines of different "doors". Little doors, big doors, tall doors, short doors....Just miles and miles of doors. Some attractive, some ugly, some appealing, some leaving a air of "curiosity" and there are some that leaves an air of "uncertainty". That's how lifes decisions are.....a choice to open a door.

When I turn around and look at my past, and at the doors that I have opened, I realize that those doors or "decisions" have formed who I am now. I chose to open those particular doors. There times when I knew what was behind a door and there were times that I did not.

Sometimes opening and closing doors of my life has been easy, but other times they have not. I know that I have reopen and close the same door over and over and over. This door held wonderment, fun, excitement, but it also held pain, hurt and uncertainity.

I feel that fears drove me to continue opening this "wrong door"......The fear of not knowing the outcome of "closing" this door or fear of standing a on firm decision, whether it's wrong or right. I realize that this "fear" has cause me unneccessary and preventative hurt.

It's a "door" that will never be opened again. No matter how inviting, attractive or appealing it may seem, my learning experience is that it's not worth it in the long run.

FRIDAY, FRIDAY....TGIF!!!!!

This week has been a very emotionally charged week, with the swearing in of our New President, on going issues in the office and co-workers emotions running high.....I can so that I am extremely thankful that the weekend is here. I plan to SLEEP in and just be a couch potato !!!

Home Buying ~ Part I

It's time for me to serious looking into home buying. After renting for years, I now know what I do and DON'T want in a home.

Realizing that I am more partical to a townhoue vs. a house came from renting a house for the past 2 years. The maintenance of a house is alot more stressful than I really want to take on.

I think being honest about that , will a difference for me of what I will buy. As much as I want to get on the internet and browse all the wonderful possiblities of townhomes, I need to set a structured to do list.

My first steps is to create a debt log and enter all my debt that I have. Then I need to see my FICA score. I have been alittle worried about this, as I have filed bankruptcy over a year ago. I have contact Wells Fargo tp see what I can get preapproved for. That will give me a foundation to work from.

My next step will be creating a WANT/NEED list for what I would like in my home. I think it's important to decipher a "want" and a "need"....I know me....I will see some thing I like and will go into without seeing "everything" I need to.

Once I get the list and log going, then I can venture the next steps I need to do. I am hoping that I will be a home owner in the next 12-18 months.
Taking this step has been encouraged by a co-worker and my own desire to have a place of my own.

What's important!

With the woes of the flagging economy, threats of cut backs in positions and working under stressful conditions......sometimes one loses sight of what's really important:

• GOD - to be able to talk to HIM, pray to HIM, having faith in HIM and knowing that this all too shall pass
• Family - My grandparents, my parents, my kids, my sisters, my nephews and my niece, my cousins, my aunts and uncles
• To have a job, even when the possibility is that you can lose one
• Good Health - To be able to get up in the morning and come to my job
• The ability to make my own decisions - Have a sound and STABLE mind
• A home - to be able to have a roof over my head and my children's heads
• People that I can truly trust - to call them when I need them and not have anyone of them turn me away!

Things could be much worse and I am humble in realizing that.

Frustrated, Angry, Tired and Emotional

These emotions explain my current mood today. The stress of this job and having a two-faced boss got the better of me and I ended up breaking down at my desk. I was asked by three different people "What's wrong?".....As embarrassed as I was to have them see me in tears, I couldn't stop the flow of them.

I have never worked with anyone so hypocritical, fake and two faced in my life. I have let her get under my skin and she is like a festering thorn. No matter what kind of approach I am trying to take with her, she finds a way to aggravate me and I let it happen. Because I don't know how to deal with someone like her, I feel like I have failed, which is CRAZY!! But, oh, well.

Right now, I feel as if I have been kicked aside like I don't measure up. I know this is far from the truth. My days are numbered, as I do feel that I will be on the cutting block to lose my job.

Inauguration of President Barack Hussein Obama

Rosa sat,
So Martin could walk.
Martin walked,
So Obama could run.
Obama ran,
So our children can fly.

On January 20, 2009 ~ BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA became the 44th and FIRST black President of the United States of America!!! Change has HAPPENED and history has been made!!!

I actually had type this BEAUTIFUL recount of the Inauguration this morning and lost the WHOLE blog! (grrrrrrrr...) Today was one of the most profound and moving day of my life. Besides the birth of my children, to see Obama sworn into office,...nothing compared to the sense of JOY I felt. During the ceremony, I had tears of every happy emotion I could feel running down my face.

OBAMA!!! This one name has generated the excitement of a nation!!!! The excitement of the PEOPLE......White, Black, Hispanic and Asian Amercians as a whole!!! A flurry of text and emails messages have inundated the internet freeway. The buzz of my collegues conversations, whether talking or whispering...."Did you see the inaugurations...."We have made history"....."Isn't this wonderful"......those dialogues has sent the tones of wonderment through the air.

This picture of this little Kenya girl, shows how far Obama's dreams and hopes for a nation has reached!!! It's more of a affirmation that his man carry's the weight of us ALL on his shoulders!! He is the present and she is the future.......