Are You a Socially Challenged?

Are You a Socially Challenged?

I received an e-mail from a friend telling me that her forty-something daughter had been fired from her job because she didn’t possess good social skills. She sounded pretty indignant about it — after all, her daughter was technically good at what she did, so what’s the big deal? Besides, she’s a librarian!  Who expects librarians to be the social stars of the workplace? I’ll tell you who… her bosses and co-workers.
Inadequate social skills, meaning anything from abrasive to overly introverted, are the demise of many technically and intellectually brilliant people. Especially in this economy, companies can be choosy about who they want to work with. Conversely, outstanding social skills can help an average performer climb the corporate ladder with great speed. I’ve seen intellectual lightweights who know how to build great relationships make it to the corner office. The good news for women is that we tend to be better in social situations than men provided we pay attention to the importance of using those social skills to our advantage.
If you’re socially challenged, or just need a reminder on how to up your game, here are some simple tips to follow:

• Smile.Nothing increases your likeability quotient like a smile. 
• Exhibit genuine interest in others.  Aim for talking 35 – 40% of the time and listening (actively listening) the rest of the time. 
• Break bread with co-workers. It doesn’t have to be often, but a lunch or dinner now and again goes a long way in moving you from the realm of “human doing” to that of “human being.”
• Remember what others say — even if you have to write it down. Aren’t you flattered when someone circles back and asks you about a detail you mentioned in conversation?  It shows they’re interested and that they care.  Be that person.
• Open the kimono. Be willing to reveal a piece of who you are. It makes you multi-dimensional and, combined with the other tips, that translates into likeable. 
• Take a Dale Carnegie class. Believe it or not, they still offer the program, “How to Make Friends and Influence People.”  Social skills don’t come naturally to everyone — sometimes you’ve got to help them along a bit with some training.  NTL also has an excellent Human Interaction Laboratory. 
• Overcome your bias against socially adept people. If you think it’s “cheating” to get ahead because of good social skills, you may be seriously downplaying its importance to your career — and life.  Set personal goals to help you up the ante while upping your LQ: Likeability Quotient.

One Door Closes....Another Opens ~ Affirmation

Tomorrow is my last day with my job.  I have been feeling a bit down today and even had a situation bring light to an individual, who I thought alot of.  Scrolling through my emails, I came across one that was sent from my best friend last Wednesday!!!! It was right on time and I needed very much to read something like this.  It's is true meaning for my situation right now!

One Door Closes....Another Opens! ~ Revelations 3:8

When God leads you to the edge of the cliff, trust Him fully and let go, only 1 of 2 things will happen, either He'll catch you when you fall, or He'll teach you how to fly! 'The power of one sentence! God is going to shift things around for you today and let things work in your favor. If you believe, send it. If you don't believe, delete it. God closes doors no man can open & God opens doors no man can close...

In the Black State of Mind

In the Black State of Mind

Awesome Article!!!

Cheapest days to shop online

We already know some of the best shopping deals are found online - but did you know some days are better than others to find the steepest discounts? ShopItToMe.com, which scours sales at more than 100 online retailers, ran a survey for me showing what days of the week certain categories of items carry the biggest discounts. Their data was compiled between June 2009 and June 2010 and analyzed over 1 million sale items on the web. From sunglasses to bathing suits to handbags and menswear, they got me the inside scoop.


My advice is to read this through, click print and keep the list stored by your computer as a helpful reminder next time you want to shop on the Web.

•Mondays: Best for buying men’s and women’s dress pants. The average sale is about 48 percent off.

•Mondays: Also great for purchasing sunglasses. The average discount is 55 percent.

•Tuesdays: Best for buying men’s apparel. The average discount is 42 percent.

•Wednesdays: Find lowest prices on shoes. The average discount is 38 percent.

•Wednesdays: Also find best deals on kids’ clothing. The average discount is around 40 percent.

•Thursdays: Best for buying women’s handbags. The average discount is 36 percent.

•Fridays: Biggest sales on accessories like jewelry, belts and scarves. The average discount is 42 percent.

•Saturdays: Best sales on intimates (37 percent off) and jackets/outerwear (51 percent off).

•Sundays: Buy your swimsuits for an average 52 percent off!

Making the right choice for me, right now!

Yesterday at work, I had a co-worker ask me how my job hunting was coming along! I told her, not too good! I picked up the folder that I had for all my job submissions and showed it to her. I said "I've never have had to submit this many jobs and get not one response! She tilted her head and said, "Well, I think we experience this at least once in ur life.

And I just thought "Wow, I never thought of it like that.". She then said that maybe I should just take a month or two off, kind of re-energize and relax. At first, I gave her a look like ! Relax??? What is that? We chuckled and she left my desk. I sat there deep in thought and mulled over her statement.

You always are able to find a job when you have a job. But, does it really matter right about now?? She mentioned that you have to submit 200-300 times before getting a nibble! I admit, I've been worn very thin with stressing about getting a job and one that will keep me at my pay scale. I may be able to go down a couple thousand, but definitely no lower than that.

But her statement again rolled in my head. Maybe I should take sometime of, re-group and come up with something else. This might be the opportunity for me to signup for my Continuing Education classes in H R! Truly, the thought appeals to me. I just need to weigh out my options right now.

It's All about Attitude: Put on a Happy Face ~ Excert from Thin Pink Line Blog

I heard a story last week that reminded me about the importance of having the right attitude. A woman recounted that she had spent the morning playing with her young children and, leaving them with a babysitter, the afternoon running errands. She went to the grocery store, the dry cleaner, the fish store and the drugstore, each time having extraordinarily pleasant interactions with the people she encountered. By the time she was finished, she was almost giddy because she’d had such a wonderful afternoon. After she arrived home, she glanced in the mirror. To her amazement, the whiskers and funny nose she’d drawn on her face while playing with her children in the morning still remained. People must have been reacting to her obvious sense of playfulness!


Although I am not suggesting you need to literally draw a happy face on your own, I do believe we often make things worse for ourselves by reacting badly when things don’t go the way we’d like them to. Clearly, we don’t control the outcomes of many things; what we can control is our reactions. And, our reactions make all the difference. Some ideas:

•Before you react, take a deep breath. Not only does the breath have a positive physical effect, it gives you time to think about how best to react.

•Think about the situation from the other person’s perspective. Most people don’t get up in the morning, look themselves in the mirror and vow to be miserable to others throughout the day (of course, there are some exceptions). People have their own rationales for behaving the way they do. If you try to put yourself in their place, you’ll be better able to empathize with them. Don’t confuse empathy with agreement however — you may still disagree, you’ll just do it more pleasantly if you are empathetic.

•Fake it till you feel it. Even if you’re not in the best mood, force yourself to smile or at least to keep your face neutral rather than frowning. Not only will you appear more pleasant to others but you may even for yourself.

Readers, what other things work for you?

Getting back to the basics: Cooking...boot camp style

Living in a society where "fast food" or "going out" to eat is todays normal way of life, I realize miss the days of "home cooked" meals.  You know the meals, that moms have slaved over....pouring their hearts and souls in good delish foods.  **sigh** Well, it seems those days a over!!! Yes, I am guilty of getting caught up in this crazy cycle, but now I really want to "Get back to the basics".

A little over a month ago, I join a "Boot Camp" program, mainly to start losing weight and change my way of life.  I have been playing the "I will lose weight" game for too long, and unfortuantely, my attention was caught when I had to go to the hospital.  Right then and there, with beeps sounds echoing in my head, nurse pushing a needle in my arm to get blood, I realize that I need to do something.

Joining this boot camp has incorporated alot of "lost" things we forget as we get older....well, let me speak for myself.  Because my life is always on the "rush" during the day, when I get home, the last thing I want to do is "COOK".....and thus, starts the ugly habit of fast fooding and going out to eat.  I use to cook all the time....had a schedule like clock work, but when my kids got older, I thought...."eh, they can fend for themselves"....and I gradually stopped cooking.  Now, I can cook....but all the wrong and YUMMY things!!

My boot camp instructor has introduced us to "Gourmet Nutrition" cook book and I realized that there was no "fast" way to prepare this food.  I am going to have to cook my meals again, but cooking on a way healthier level.  This is going to be interesting, but I am looking forward to it.  Getting back to cooking......but in a life change style!

Staying a head of the game.......can be very tiring!

I realize that in this day and age, you need to stay on top of your game in EVERY aspect of your life. It's no wonder that our nation has the highest obesity percentage in the world. The stressors of being the best or competative to your job, dating, buy a home, etc.... is just overwhelming. At least for me.....and I am not ashame to admit that. I have always had a "I AM SUPER WOMAN" mentally, and developed that mentally based on the cards that life dealt me.


But I find that I don't want to be "Super" woman right now.....I kind of want someone else to take care things for me. Let me say.....I am not saying I want someone to TAKE CARE of me, just someone to take care of "STUFF"....Not to give up my independent by anymeans, but just to know that somone is there to take care of "STUFF"......

**sigh** I just want to wake up one morning and feel like I don't have to hit the ground RUNNING and hustle to get something done. I want to be able to just wake...with emptyness in my mind, let my feet touch the carpet.....dig my toes in for a second.....yawn and stretch and look at the day with vigor and anticipation......

Is that too much to ask? Does that show unappreciation of life in general? Is it too much to ask for simplicity in my life? Sometimes, I feel like the fast train in the world, moving at the speed of sound, with nowhere to go or stop.

Welcome to my STATE OF MIND.......

8 Sex Moves Every Woman Should Try Once Sex, Love & Life: glamour.com

8 Sex Moves Every Woman Should Try Once Sex, Love & Life: glamour.com

Morning Inspiration ~ Tears of a Strong Woman

Lane Bryant Ad Controversy ~ Was it too much? Or is it discrimination?

Yesterday laying in bed, I was cruising through the numerous channels, that were showing NOTHING on air, when I came upon a debate on Access Hollwood. The debate was about a Lane Bryant ad that was scheduled to air between Dancing With The Stars and American Idol. Both ABC and FOX decided NOT to air the ad, because they felt the model in the ad was provacative. **Blank stare** Too provacative??? We are living in a nation where "Sex sells".....I am not a advocate for that, but now that Lane Bryant has decided to join the "TV advertising lingerie", it seems a bit of a double standard is emerging.

Victoria Secret ads grace our TV screens all the time. Scantily-dressed models, striking sexy poses, marching up and down the runways, bending, having suggested hint of "sexuality" in their looks and nothing is said? But NOW, a PLUS-size model; who is doing the same things as the VC models, these two networks mentioned above are now concern with "discretion"! Access Hollywood aired the ad and I thought the ad was very tastfully done. If anything I would have been concern with, is maybe the implication given when the model received a "text" from the some special and left cladded only with her lingerie and a trench coat. That's it.....

But FOX and ABC have a double standard going on. Keep it real!! They do not want to air PLUS-SIZE woman on their air waves. It's discrimination. Point blank. They really need to own up to it and stop making excuses why they didn't air the ad.

Hate Your Job? 5 Ways to make Work Better

I came in this morning, with a heaviness weighing me down. I think it was the anxiety of knowing I was coming back to this dysfunctional workplace. Most of the day today, I have expressing my dislike for my job and being a bit antisocial. It just seems that I can't get a break from the stuff that goes on everyday at this job. It's has me pulling my hair OUT!!!

As I usually so, this time of the day, I was browsing the web and on yahoo.com there was an article that caught my attention: Hate Your Job? 5 ways to Make Work Better. With a raise eyebrow, I started reading though the article and list of suggestions. I started to look around my desk, up under it.....etc, because it was as if this article was written just for ME.

I am sure that there a number of people that can feel my pain, so, I would like to share. The tips given are very good! So here are 5 Ways to Make Work Better, if you need it.

Confessions of a Liar

Confessions of a liar can come in many forms. Most times it's when they accidently slip up, leaving loop holes for Inspector Gadget to find. The kind of loop holes that are overlooked, because liars have to backtrack so much to keep everything covered up.

Sometimes I wonder if liars start to believe their own lies and live in that fanasty world they have made up. Trust is a priority in any relationship anyone may enounter. When that trust is betrayed, the letdown and disappoint of a liar is really devastating.

Why lie? Because you want to hide the truth? No matter how much the ugly truth may hurt, anyone will get over it and move on. Whatever the situation is. But if you lie, that trust is irrecoverably broken and the damage is every lasting. Is it worth? You need to ask yourself that on a daily basis.

The 10 Accessories Every Woman Needs

There are reasons so many women, fashion obsessed or not, love — love, love — accessories so much. Mostly it's because they have nothing to do with our figure. An amazing shoe, bag, or necklace looks, well, amazing on everyone. But there is something about the sheer joy, the bliss, that purchasing a new tote, pair of high heels, or dangly earrings brings us. It's a euphoric feeling that starts at the moment of purchase and is reexperienced every time you grab that particular piece from the closet. No wonder the word addict often follows accessory. And the object of our lust could be anything. Bags: big and small. Shoes: flat and tall. Diamonds, beads, bows. Every woman has her own passion when it comes to accents. And it's a passion worth indulging in. Accessories not only finish an outfit, they can set the tone for your look. The switch of a heel to a flat, chandelier earrings to studs, or a slouchy hobo bag to a classic, structured carryall can change the entire effect of the clothes you are wearing. The bottom line is, a girl can’t live on clothes alone. Extras are an easy way to add your personality to what you wear. Here are the 10 every woman should not live without:

1. Pumps. Whether they have pointy, round, or square toes, these classic heels look smart at work and sexy at night. Always have a black pair.

2. Flats. Simple ballet slippers or skimmers are a more comfortable answer to the all-purpose pump. They’re great for when you’re on the go.

3. Diamonds. Rings, earrings, necklaces, bracelets: No matter what form they come in, these sparkly stones will always shine — even if you are wearing jeans and a T-shirt.

4. Pearls. A classic, ladylike staple, these lustrous beads, as tidy little earrings or a single or multistrand necklace, always add polish and elegance to your outfit.

5. A structured bag. In a medium size, a sturdy, top-handle leather bag will serve you well every day.

6. A clutch. For evening, it’s essential. A slim, sleek little bag that fits just the necessities is the piece to carry at night.

7. A belt. This piece can turn an ensemble from sloppy to sleek in an instant. It’s a good idea to have multiple waist cinchers — thin, medium, and wide — in your closet.

8. A cocktail ring. Give your evening style a glam punch with a big-stoned bauble. Try bold, colorful stones for added effect.

9. A cuff. A thick bracelet in gold, silver, or enamel is a timeless accent and works day or night.

10. A metal watch. A high-quality, classic timepiece like a tank or a bracelet style — whether gold or stainless steel — will last you a lifetime.

Happy Martin Luther King Jr Day!

"We must combine the toughness of the serpent and the softness of the dove, a tough mind and a tender heart."

Haiti Earthquake ~ Tuesday, January,12 2010

Hearing the news about the 7.0 earthquake that destroyed Haiti, mainly Port au Prince was absolutely unbelievable. I immediately logged online, after getting to work, to see videos and pictures of the devastation. No words or thoughts can express the heartbreak and sadness I feel about this. Watching the videos, I can hear the cries of despair and fear. The images of bodies being pulled from the rumble, injured men and women laying in the streets; waiting help and medical attention and dead bodies slewed everyone, circle around and around in my mind.

The efforts to help this very poor nation has reached global porportions. I can't help but think in my mind: Will this be enough? Will help Haiti rebound back to some kind of functioning country? What of the small children who lost their mother or father or both? What of the elderly? What, what what? So many questions are running in my mind. And the helplessness of what to do is very heavy on my heart. Facebook circulated a message from Wyclef to donate $5.00 to the eathquake relief on Yele.org. Though I did, I still feel like "I wish I could do more"......watching and listening to President Obama address the nation about the tragic situation and announcing that we, the United States, would make an aggressive effort to give support to Haiti, gave me another sense of how incredible tragic this is. I am also thinking of the people who live in America, with Haitian heritage, how tormented they must be, not knowing if their loved ones are alive or not.

I read on Facebook, where someone stated: We are slowly at the End of days, people and it just caught my attention. I never seen devastation at this magnitude, with the exception of Hurricane Katrina and when Mt. St. Helens blew some 20 odd years ago. Its so deep to fathom.

My prayers goes out to the Haitian people. May GOD be with you!!

Stepping it up in 2010

A decade has passed and I am looking at 2010 as the year to moving forward in every aspect of my life; personally, professionally, spiritually and physically. My new life starts this year and I look forward to all the positive/negative experiences, goals and aspirations I will venture through.

This year I am moving to North Carolina and starting school to obtain my BA in Human Resources in the summer. Talking about huge changes. But change is needed to grow and life's experiences will make me a better person/woman/mother/sister/daugther.

I didn't make any resolutions this year. Resolutions shouldn't be something that you think about once a year. Resolutions should be goals you want to set for yourself on a continuation basis. Meaning, that everyday should be a resolution.

2009 was a very tough and difficult year for alot of people, including myself. I see 2009 as the "Survival Year" and I seen 2010 as the "Moving forward" Year.

**Raising champagne glass** Here's to a wonderful year! **click-click**